In Sympathy

I have a customer that came in today. While we were talking I decided to ask her about something I have been wanting to talk about for along time. Her son passed away about a year and a half ago and I wanted to know how she was doing but didn't feel comfortable about asking. Finally I just went ahead and said that I wanted to ask her something personal and that if she didn't want to talk about it, that would be okay. I asked her how long it had been since her son had passed and how she was doing. I can't tell you how much she appreciated my asking. She said that people don't ever talk about it with her because they are uncomfortable.

I told her I understood what she meant since when my father died 16 years ago, I went through the same thing. It is a crazy misconception we have that we don't want to discuss the topic of death in fear of upsetting the person dealing with it. But on the contrary the very lack of conversation makes the person feel alienated and lonely. She said she can hardly bear the loss of her son and that it hasn't gotten any easier. It really struck me what a burden she is carrying. And that even though we have all gone on with our lives, she is still dealing with this everyday.

So, all this to say that if you know someone who has experienced the death of someone close, ask them how they are doing. It doesn't matter if it has been one month, one year or more. You will know if they don't want to talk about it, but usually it makes them feel better to have their grief acknowledged. We need our friends and family in times of crisis and sometimes it takes a long time to grieve.

If you don't want to bring it up in person, send them a card to let them know you are still thinking of them. I love these hand made cards (shown above) because they feel like I am sending something special. However, sometimes I struggle with what to say since they are blank inside. That's when I cheat a little and copy a sentiment from a greeted card and write it in the blank one along with my own sentiments. It really doesn't matter what you say... it's the thought that counts!

-M.